Vajazzling Your Vagina

In less than a week, my local Metro newspaper has published two recent news stories which I would sum up under the “what will they think of next?” category. Just last week, it was jellybeans from the Ukraine, with the function of modifying your farts to smell like Calvin Klein perfume or that “fresh office smell” or whatever exit aroma perfume they come up with. Now, it’s all about “vajazzling” – dressing up your vagina area with jewels – rhinestones and gems, quality dependent upon how rich you are.

First there was trimming the private parts which later developed into the trend of Brazilian wax jobs, or shaving your pubic hairs into narrow racing strips of finely trimmed hair or perhaps, they say, a portrait of George Clooney or maybe just something as blasé as a heart shape.

Where has pubic hair gone? you may ask and the answer is now – not as far as you think because you obviously have to save some short and curlies to hang on the baubles and rhinestones.

Most recently, the website domain name “vajassling.com” came up for auction and there are a few bidders on hand, waiting for the trend to take off among mere mortals. According to the Metro, Jennifer Love Hewitt got into it after she was dumped, as a sort of pick me up after a love affair gone south. Whatever happened to the shopping expedition or the drinking binge or the pigging out on Haagen Daz ice cream? Where did the traditional methods of mending a broken heart ever go to? What do you do after you’ve had your vagina vajazzled and your heart broken? Sit with a glass of wine, your legs spread and stare at your bejeweled vagina in the full length mirror? Then what? Shopping? An irresponsible one night stand, drink in hand, cares to the wind? I would be sort of embarrassed, if I was Jennifer Love Hewitt, if I’d made such a confession. But if you’re rich, the Rich do things mostly because they’re bored. No doubt, Paris Hilton has probably vajazzled her private parts to. Why do it? Because they can.

So for mere mortals who always imitate the rich and bored, no doubt this trend will catch on. First you can make sure your farts smell prettier with these new Ukranian jelly beans, you can wear a perfume called Vulva Original and smell like a vagina all day and then you can indulge in some vajazzling (perhaps at the hairdressers?) and bedeck your vagina with jewels, for those that deserve.

Has anyone considered little bells something like cats wear around their necks?  ” She had rings on her fingers, bells on her toes, she will have music wherever she goes…” so went the nursery rhyme.