Sashaying with the Stars
Sashaying with the Hollywood Stars
Sometimes I just get so busy. No time to do anything. Just write the Hollywood news.
Last night, I went to Universal Studios for a reception, screening and dinner. I didn’t get home till after ten.
So traffic was bad on the Ventura Highway. You might have heard the song. I get there late, miss the reception so go directly to the theatre which is empty. Usher says, “Anywhere but the reserved seats.” So I sit down in the centre right behind the reserved seats. Good boy. Smart, too, it turns out.
Maria Shriver strides in, all 74 pounds of her, drink in hand. I guess the reception is over, good timing on my part. She sits down in the reserved seats, in the centre. I’m thinking of a lewd comment then remember that I’m not drunk and have a job (still). Jon Voight walks in, slight overbite, sits down to my right. I nod hello. His look says, “I know that guy, shit, can’t remember…” He smiles.
Ted Turner, CNN guy (he invented it!) sits down, nods at me. Secretary of State George Schultz, Secretary of Defense Bill Perry, and Senator Sam Nunn all sit down. These are historical figures, real important dudes. A diplomat sits down next to me, turns up his nose. Like, who’s out of place, snob?
Arnold Schwarzenegger strides up onto the stage. Big people have striding coaches. You can’t exhibit confidence with a constipated shuffle (picture that). He gives his speech and then I realize why Maria kept an empty seat next to her – if she didn’t, Arnold would crush her like a dried Austrian mountain goat testicle.
So the Governator finishes up, and they roll ‘em. Movie was a documentary about the need to abolish nuclear weapons. Arnie sits down in front of me and the 102 year old society bitch next to me mutters, “I didn’t vote for him and I won’t in November.” Of course she’s stupid – Arnold can’t run again, he’s done two terms! Had I known she was going to sit next to me, I would have called the usher to have her removed.
Life is always interesting in Hollywood.
